The Substitute
by Sarahjane
Summary: A really strange woman subs for Guber while he's out with the flu.


DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to David E. Kelley and are used here without permission for no financial gain. The substitute VP is based on a real person, and the name has been changed to protect the guilty.  
  
Author's Note: This is inspired by my sister KitLee's fic about our former Latin teacher. It is about our former administrator. Anyway, here goes. Please R/R!  
  
The Substitute  
  
Scott Guber groaned. His head throbbed. His throat burned.  
  
I'm sick, he thought.  
  
He hated getting sick. He rarely did. Most of the time he was untouched by illness. Epidemics almost always passed him by. This time, though, there was no denying it. He was sick.  
  
He reached for the phone to call Stephen. Oh well, he thought, I'm sure that the school will be fine without me.  
  
*****  
  
Dana Poole opened the door to Guber's office and was shocked to find someone else there, a middle-aged woman wearing a somewhat vacant expression.  
  
"Can I do anything for you, dear?"  
  
"Where's Guber?"  
  
"I'm afraid that Mr. Guber is out with the flu," she said. "I'm the substitute vice-principal until he returns. My name is Ms. Skelman."  
  
"Um, Mr. Lipshultz sent me in here for talking back to him," she said.  
  
"Oh, well, have a seat." Dana sat, and Ms. Skelman leaned across her desk. "Now..."  
  
"Dana Poole."  
  
"Now Dana, I'm sure that you see why teachers require respect. It is necessary for them to maintain order in their rooms. Otherwise it would detract from the other students learning experience."  
  
"Uh huh," Dana said, clearly tuning out.  
  
"Good." She stood up and walked over to Dana. Then she put her arm around her. "Now, this is my first day at Winslow, so I'm going to go a little bit easy on you. I'm sure that you've learned your lesson, right?"  
  
"Okay," Dana said, trying desperately to get away from her.  
  
"Wonderful." She patted Dana on the back a few times. "You may go."  
  
*****  
  
"Come on Dana," Megan said. "She didn't *really* hug you."  
  
"Yeah, isn't that sexual harrassment?" asked Susan.  
  
"I'm serious, you guys," Dana insisted. "She *hugged* me. And then she patted me on the back."  
  
"Weird," Allison shuddered.  
  
"Tell me about it," Dana said.  
  
"I still say that she can't be as bad as Guber," Megan insisted.  
  
"All I'm saying is that at least he didn't hug people," Dana retorted.  
  
"So how long is he going to be gone anyway?" Allison asked.  
  
Dana shrugged. "I overheard Mr. Harper saying that he'd be out all week."  
  
"Well, that's good," offered Susan.  
  
"Yeah," Megan said. "How bad could she be?"  
  
*****  
  
The new vice-principal was even worse than Guber. She was very strange. She seemed constantly kind of spacey, as though, as the students commented, she was on drugs. She also hugged the students a lot, much to their horror. Whenever she saw someone she knew (usually a troublemaker), she would walk over to them, put her arm around them, and chat aimlessly as the student tried desperately to leave.  
  
"I hate to admit it," Megan said at lunch on Thursday, "but I miss Guber."  
  
"Yeah. He never hugged us," Dana shuddered. As the first student whom Ms. Skelman had met, Dana got hugged the most.  
  
"Well, the week's almost over, and I heard Louisa say that Guber'll be back by Monday."  
  
The girls sighed. For the first time ever, they actually missed Guber.  
  
*****  
  
A similar conversation was going on the teacher's lounge.  
  
"Oh come on, she's not that bad," Harvey said.  
  
"That's because she's left you alone," Harry said. "She spent half an hour lecturing me on how I need to 'motivate my students with more positive methods.'"  
  
"I guess she heard about how you got that kid a job in the morgue," Lauren commented.  
  
"She told me that it was inappropriate to have a girl on the wrestling team," Kevin said.  
  
"She said that I need to dress more 'appropriately' for a high school setting," said Marilyn.  
  
"Plus," Lauren added, "have you heard what the students are saying about her? They say that she hugs them all the time. I mean, that's got to be a lawsuit waiting to happen."  
  
"Why did the district send her here anyway?" Harry asked. "To torture us? The woman is a complete nutcase. She told Steven that we need metal detectors, and she said that the kids in the dungeon should be locked up for good."  
  
"She's so flaky," Marilyn added. "Half the time she's totally out of it, and the rest of the time she's more of a control freak than Guber. Whenever I see her she's lecturing somebody."  
  
"Yeah. She heard about the Dana Poole case, and she offered to draft a dress code," Lauren said.  
  
"The way she acts, you'd think that Guber was gone for good," remarked Kevin.  
  
"She's so weird. At least she'll be gone by Friday."  
  
*****  
  
She wasn't. Guber was still really sick, the flu having completely wiped him out.  
  
"She'll be here at least another week," moaned Sheryl Holt. Sheryl had made a cartoon about her on Tuesday. Since then, every day Ms. Skelman checked her website, and everyday she dragged Sheryl into the principal's office demanding that he expel her. Mr. Harper always apologized and told Ms. Skelman to forget about it, but Sheryl was understandably angry towards her.  
  
The week dragged by. The students tried to avoid her, but she continued to hug every student she saw. She also continued to offer numerous suggestions to Steven that she claimed would improve the school. She also singled out a few students to punish the most, including Dana Poole and Sheryl Holt.  
  
Finally, on Thursday, Dana, Megan, and Susan got to school late. They were trying to make it up to their class without seeing her, because she always talked to/hugged late students for a long time. They saw her coming and instantly ran around a corner to hide.  
  
Now, even Ms. Skelman wasn't completely deaf to the students' contempt of her, and so when she saw this, she had some idea why they were hiding from her. Angrily, she stormed around the corner. "It's over girls!"  
  
*****  
  
In detention Dana finally gave voice to what they were all thinking. "'It's over girls?!'"  
  
This time they didn't even try to keep the laughter in.  
  
*****  
  
Scott Guber heard a knock at his door. He was feeling much better, so he walked to the door. There was no one there. However, someone had stuck something under his door.  
  
He bent down and picked it up. It was a note.  
  
Dear Mr. Guber,  
  
We hope that you are feeling better. Please come back soon. Your replacement is terrible. We miss you.  
  
Sincerely, the students of Winslow High  
  
He smiled faintly. Then he climbed back into bed and fell into a deep sleep. 


End file.
